I know I keep adapting and worrying. 

But I can’t seem to get rid of why it is happening and break the cycle.

You no longer believe that you’re ‘just a caring sort of person’. Because you are tired of always trying to please others, and you’ve already put in quite a bit of work on your personal development. So now you realise: you often give in order to receive something in return. You might not always be aware of this in the moment. You give to gain appreciation, to feel you have a right to exist in this world, to fill a void within yourself... you see the mechanism, really. But you haven’t quite managed to do things differently yet. To give only when that is your pure impulse and to no longer be driven by your need for appreciation, attention or love.

Do you recognise yourself in this?

• You’ve been a real pain to your partner.

You’ve come to realise by now that your relationship has suffered because of your patterns. Yes, you’ve tried to be there for your partner in every way – but in doing so, you’ve been adapting yourself. And so there was never really anyone standing opposite him or her. You always gave in. What would it be like if you were fully present, free from your patterns? You actually have no idea, because you can’t manage to do that. Do you actually know what you want from this relationship? How can you stand up for who you want to be in the relationship, and who would you be together?

• Your children aren’t the problem. They are your heart outside your body.

Your children are your everything. You carry on for them, always. You were patient… until it ran out – and then came frustration and guilt. Because you wanted to give them from a place of abundance, to be a good parent, yet you kept pushing past your limits. But who were you actually doing that for? How can you be the loving parent whilst at the same time being clear with them and with yourself?

• At work, you’re running faster and faster too. And the faster you run, the more drained you feel here as well.

You’re a hard worker – it’s not just your boss who knows that. Something went wrong; another last-minute project came in. Who was going to take it on again, despite a packed schedule? It’s quite impressive that you’ve managed to keep it up all this time. At what cost? Have you ever been able to work from a place of freedom, doing work you really want to do? Work where you can give your all, rather than just sorting things out and ‘sorting it out again’? Wouldn’t you have been better off joining the fire brigade?

• With your life path, you’re climbing a mountain that isn’t yours.

Those life dreams you might have had in your twenties, you haven’t realised them, or only in a very modified form. You’ve adapted to what others wanted from you. Their voices and the critic in your own head have been so controlling. Is this really what you’re meant to be doing in your life? What is your path, then? Do you even have ambitions for yourself? “I don’t know!” I hear what you say. How do you find out, then?

How do you feel now when you think back on that cherished lifelong dream? What would you say to that younger version of yourself now? How is the real life of your true self working out for you?
“Darling, it didn’t happen because there was too much to sort out. Solving problems was really the priority.” Put yourself back in that place for a moment. How does it feel now when you look into the eyes of your younger self – into your own eyes? Go to the bathroom mirror and try this, honestly and sincerely.

I know. I’ve been there too. It hurts, so much so that sometimes you feel: “It’s as if my heart is breaking.” And even despite the connection with your heart, with your emotions, it doesn’t feel balanced. Cut off, even. How is that possible? Sometimes you’d rather have a heart of stone and not have to feel anything at all. How often have you thought about this? And then you carried on, running faster, even faster. But that only made it worse. When is it ever enough? When will you arrive?

What others have discovered:

Marrigje - 33 - Jan 2026: What changed for me? I find it easier to connect with my inner loving self and to tune into my intuition. I used to rely heavily on my rational mind, but now I’m better at letting that be. It makes life a bit easier because your higher self is so wise!!

Liesbeth - 59 - Feb 2026: My main concern was whether I was actually living my own life. I now have much more control over this. I am living my life and feel it that way too; no longer as if some external force is deciding whether I feel alive or not. So it is me. What I wanted most was to experience for myself how I say, do and feel things. From my own essence, not from other people’s ideas. This has shaped me. I did this out of love, but now I am free to live my own life. Liberation and surrender – that’s how it feels.

Here are some more impressions:

 "A fully developed, healthy and mature personality places all parts at the service of the purest, most loving and complete form of our essence, and interacts lovingly with the soul."